Jew Cube


My date took me to 230 Fifth, a rooftop bar in Manhattan. During the winter, they add beautiful Christmas lights, put in heat lamps, and give everyone red robes to wear. It’s the cutest thing and the hot chocolate liqueur is delicious. Oh how much I learn from my dates.

Five minutes into the date, the boy asked if I was Jewish. I said “No, but why do all Jewish guys ask that question?” He said “Jews follow the religion of the mother…” & then became red when he realized what he had just said. So basically, Jews categorized women into two categories: one night stand & wifey. Neither are happening with him and I in this lifetime or the next or the next. More Jew talk: He said, “I think date expenses should be split half & half when getting to know someone, then when you’re serious, the guy takes over.” Actually, it should be the other way around. Way to sound like a complete idiot bringing up money on the first date. There was one thing I liked about the date though. He gave me the cube personality test. I’ll share it here so you can take it too. (This is imaginary. Keep all objects in the room. Don’t read the results until you answer the questions).

“Picture an enormous white room. In this room, there is a cube. What color is the cube? What size is the cube? Where is it located in the room? Is it floating, or on the ground?

Now imagine flowers inside of this room. Where are the flowers located? How large are the flowers?

Next, imagine a ladder inside of the white room. Where is the ladder? What size is the ladder?

Next, imagine a horse in the white room. Where is the horse? Name three personality characteristics of the horse.

Lastly, imagine a rainstorm inside the white room. Where is the rainstorm located? How large is the rainstorm?


The white room represents our lives. Inside of this white room, there is a cube. This cube is a representation of our ego, or how we see ourselves. If your cube is small, it means you have a small ego, you are humble. If your cube is large, it means you might be “full of yourself”. A colored ego means you hide who you really are from people. A white or clear cube means you do not put a show on for others. If the cube is on the ground or fixed, it means that you are well grounded in your views. If the cube is floating, it means that you are unpredictable and your life is unstable.

The flowers in the room represent your family and friends. If there are a lot of flowers in the room, it means that you prefer to be surrounded by friends and family. If the flowers are only a few, it means that you prefer only a few close friends. If your flowers are near the cube, it means that you are close to your friends. If your flowers are further away, you prefer to keep a distance between your friends.

The ladder inside the room represents your goals and ambition. A small ladder means that you have a few or no goals in life. If your ladder is large, it means that your goals and expectations from yourself are set higher than average. If your ladder is far away from your cube, it means you are not working on your goals. If your ladder is on top of your cube, it means that your goals and ambitions are controlling you.

The horse inside of the room is your spouse. The three characteristics of the horse apply to your spouse, or what you like to see in your spouse. If your horse is close to the cube, it means you are close to your spouse.

The rainstorm inside the room is life’s problems. If your thunderstorm is large, it means that your life is hectic. If the thunderstorm is near another object (for instance, the horse), it means that object is causing problems in your life. If you see a small thunderstorm that means you are currently not facing too many difficulties or at least ignoring them. ”

My answers were pretty accurate and I was impressed. It still didn’t interest me enough to see him again though, not that it was even my choice. The next day, he showed up at the restaurant I work at! What. the. fuck. That’s the last time I tell strangers where I work. He even posted a photo of the ice skating rink in front of my restaurant on his Instagram. Sometimes I think my dating life is cursed, other times I think the male species is. I stopped responding to all of his messages. The next weekend, I took my girlfriends to 230 Fifth. Thanks for the idea dude, your presence is no longer needed.





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