Single Is Not A Problem 2 Be Fixed

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I haven’t been single since I was 16 years old. I’m 22 now. My first love was some idiot when it should have been myself. After him, it was a revolving door of boyfriend after boyfriend. Even though I’m doing it all backwards, I’m relieved to finally be alone. I mean really alone. No one to text good night and good morning to. No one to tell the details of my day to. No one, and guess what? I love it. People complain about being single, but I’d take this over commitment any day. It was definitely an adjustment but I’m loving this freedom. People lose themselves in relationships, as well as their friends, their values and their mind.

Think of a relationship as a full-time job, because it is, and right now, you’re volunteering part-time by dating. Single is not the waiting phase between relationships. Single is the status. Own it, want it, and be happy with it. Ain’t nobody got time for two full-time jobs in their 20s.

Single isn’t something that needs to be fixed and it doesn’t mean you should date to find Mr. Right. Date because meeting new people is fun. Date because everyone you meet can teach you something new. Date to know what you do & don’t like for future Mr. Right. Thirty is the new twenty to commit & settle down. If you think thirty is too high of a number, then let me introduce you to fifty, that 50% divorce rate. It’s really your choice. Change your mindset about dating and don’t take it so seriously, but don’t take it lightly either. Don’t be a hoe. Don’t be that girl. Everything in moderation. Guard your heart. Falling in love is overrated. Love yourself. I sound like a postcard, I’m done.

•upDATEd

It’s Goin Down, I’m Yellin Tiiinder!

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Ah, Tinder. Outsiders see it as a strictly hookup app, but insiders know the deal. Maybe it was initially created for that purpose, but the rules of the game have changed. (Remember when Snapchat was first released?)

So in a city of millions, I downloaded Tinder and got to playing. I think the app has made me shallow and pickier than ever, but there’s nothing wrong with not settling. If anything, I enjoy swiping, even if it’s mostly left (no), but as soon as I see that “Hey what’s up?” message, I cringe. I don’t like small talk and it’s annoying to repeat my story of who I am and why I’m in NYC. I’m forgetful and the messages get overwhelming, so you won’t get much of a conversation out of me unless we talk about random things and make each other laugh. You see, I really don’t even want to invest time in getting to know someone before meeting them in person. Once there’s a physical interaction, It only takes me a few minutes to know if I’m going to like that person and that’s not basing it entirely on looks. Vibes, vibes, vibes!

All I really need to know is if the guy has any of my deal breakers;
·Does he have an accent?
·Does he have a child?
·Is/was he in the military?
·Is he short?
·Is he skinny?
·Does he take steroids?
·Has he ever hit a woman?
·Does he disrespect women in any way?

If the answer is no to ALL questions, date accepted. I’ve dealt with all the above and there are absolutely no exception to any of those listed. With that being said, let the dates begin.

Tinder Tips:
·Upload a variety of photos. (your face can only change so much from selfie to selfie.)
·Be picky with who you swipe yes to. I promise you the messages will get overwhelming when your inbox is full of “maybes”.
·Even if you don’t actually go on dates, tinder is an awesome way to boost your confidence and talk to people online. Give it a shot!
·Screenshot all the crazy messages you get, you’ll laugh about them later.
·Always read through your conversation with the guy you’re about to go on a date with so you don’t get his story confused with another guy.
·You already know your story, ask the guys questions for a change.
·Let the guys message you first. If they don’t, they clearly don’t want you bad enough. Eliminate the passive ones.
·Always ask for their Instagram or Facebook. You want to know if the guy you’re going to meet up with is normal, has friends, and better photos to show what he really looks like.
·Seriously don’t use this app to sleep with guys. You might as well stand in a street corner if that’s what you’re doing. Respect yourself.

•upDATEd

Date Ideas

  • Go on a helicopter ride
  • Go on a hot air balloon ride
  • Go on a carriage ride
  • Go on a bike ride
  • Rent scooters
  • Go to the beach
  • Collect seashells
  • Fly kites
  • Go kayaking
  • Play sports together at a park
  • Go to a sports game
  • Work out together
  • Take salsa lessons
  • Learn how to line dance
  • Play put put golf
  • Go bowling
  • Go ice-skating
  • Go rollerblading
  • Go paintball shooting
  • Go to the gun range
  • Go indoor rock climbing
  • Go horseback riding
  • Go to the casino and gamble
  • Go on a road trip & spend a weekend away
  • Go fishing
  • Go camping

@HOME:

  • Watch a TV series together
  • Make a fort inside
  • Play drinking games & get drunk
  • Babysit together
  • Adopt a small pet together (fish, hamster, bird)
  • Take a bubble bath together
  • Give each other massages
  • Throw & host a party
  • Carve a pumpkin
  • Make dinner from scratch
  • Make fondue
  • Play board games
  • Play video games
  • Create your Sims lives
  • Study your astrology compatibility
  • Create a scrapbook
  • Develop favorite pictures together
  • Go through baby photos
  • Draw pictures of each other
  • Draw with chalk on sidewalks
  • Wash our cars together
  • Walk around the neighborhood
  • Plant something together and watch it grow
  • Carve initials on a tree
  • Climb trees
  • Have a bonfire with s’mores
  • Stargaze
  • Camp out in the backyard

Three Month Rule

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I had just moved to Manhattan and hadn’t figured out the subway yet so I told my date to meet me at the bar I live above. We had instant chemistry and surprisingly my very first NYC date went well. So well that I got comfortable and it lasted three months too long. He was a handsome aspiring actor and he treated me like a princess, but I began to resent him because it felt like a relationship, and I definitely didn’t want that… no matter who the guy was. I started seeing another guy around the same time whom I met out one night. It was a good balance between the two because I told myself I wouldn’t commit to either.

By the third month mark, I could sense both boys were getting too serious and it made me became more detached. “I love you” Those three words killed both flings. Anytime a guy tells me he loves me, I flee. Love is the monster. Love makes you stuck. I’m in New York fucking City and I want to be free as a bird. If I don’t allow myself to love, I have ultimate power and freedom. I can walk away at any moment.

Both of the guys were libra’s, who are my absolute favorite people but… both guys were libra’s… which meant both of their birthdays were this past October… the same weekend in fact! What are the chances? At this point, I didn’t even care about “getting caught”. I just wanted to end things with both of them but I felt cruel doing it so close to their birthdays. I went ahead and executed my plan because even Cinderella’s big day ended at midnight. I took them both out on the same night, back to back, for birthday dinners, with a surprise cake and candle at the end, and no matter what they wished for when they blew the candle, I knew one thing was certain: that was the last time I would see either of them. I signed the checks, feeling like a devil dressed up as an angel, but for some reason, I didn’t feel bad. I clearly told them I did not want anything serious. If I could stop myself from falling in love, why couldn’t they? Vulnerability gave them three good months but it also hurt them. Was it worth it? Is it ever? Dating should be fun, not serious – unless you think you’ve found “The One”. Sorry boys, I’m nobodies “One”.

I established the “three-month rule” after this mess. I refuse to date a guy for longer than three months. That’s when the excitement fizzles out anyway. That’s when like turns into love and I’m not having it. Since when are men the new bitches? Control your emotions ladies.

•upDATEd

All I Want For My Birthday Is a Big Booty Baseball Player

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‘Twas my birthday week and at the top of my wish list was a Rays vs Yankees game. I used to cheer for the Rays so I was excited to have my team in town. With much hesitation and “baseball is boring”, the guy I was seeing finally agreed to take me. The fact that I had to convince him to take me was strike one. Birthdays are huge for me. I’ll go out of my way for someone’s special day & if it’s not returned, neither are your phone calls.

He then proceeded to tell me I should take off my rays shirt, hat, and stickers off my face because “Yankees fans are crazy and will harass you”. Or are you just a little bitch and can’t stick up for me when they do? Regardless, no guy tells me what to wear or not wear, ever. Strike two. During the game, I was on cloud nine but my date soon lowered me to the ground. He complained about the sport and he was miserable to be around. Anytime I brought up cheering or baseball, he seemed annoyed. He told me I should move on from my old life…. The fuck? Strike three.

“Cotton eyed joe” started playing and I tried to show him the dance routine I used to do when I cheered. He stops me and says “Enough! I don’t wanna see it, just stop. Guys have been staring at you all night, don’t give them more of a reason to. ” My jaw dropped. That insecure mother fucker. That’s that shit I don’t like. That’s the shit I’ve dealt with for years. Three strikes you’re out asshole. Not even traded because no one wants your crazy ass. I was so angry. I called him out for being a miserable fuck that killed my vibe all night. I told him I needed a man, not a boy, and I left him at the stadium.

•upDATEd

Handbags and Douchebags

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I can’t stand guys with accents, and I’m not talking about sexy British or Australian ones. I’m talking about broken-English accents. I’m talking about guys who don’t understand sarcasm or American tendencies. I know this sounds ignorant, but I just know what I definitely don’t want. I’m foreign myself and I deal with the bullshit thirst every time I visit Europe. Foreign guys have NO game. They are raised like a pack of dirty wolves. Anyways, this hot guy asked me out and I was hesitant, but I went through with it because I want to at least try to keep an open mind before I completely get rid of all FOBs.(Fresh Off the Boat)

He took me to Le Bain, a beautiful rooftop bar with lounge sofas, fake grass, and crepes. He got drunk and touchy from his first girly drink. Lightweight FOB. He tried to hold my hand and I moved my drink to that hand. He didn’t waste a second before his foreign game came out. He confessed how “beautiful and perfect” I was and that he hopes I answer him the next day because most girls don’t and he doesn’t understand why. Way to keep your cool dude. Then he kept talking shit about America, saying that life and shopping is better in Italy. He also said Americans are fat and lazy. I got defensive and I told him he should move back but he’s like ohh but college blah blah bullshit bullshit.

He went around the corner to the bar to order more drinks and I made friends with a couple close by. I told them that I was new to the city & that I was on a first date. My date texted me “Miss you baby :*” while he was waiting for our drinks. FOB text. When he came back with our drinks, I went to the restroom. Right when I got back, the couple waved me over and whispered “He looked through your purse while you were gone! He used the flashlight on his phone and looked through it.” I froze.

I was so frightened. What kind of guy does that?! What if there was something in my drink this whole time? What if I never spoke to that couple and they thought it was my boyfriend looking for something? My date goes “What’s wrong? What did they say?” He clearly didn’t realize I talked to them earlier. I said “Nothing but something came up and I have to leave.” and I bolted out of there. My friend was at a bar down the street that night and I went to go meet him. Nothing was missing from my purse. I couldn’t wrap my head around why he would do that. Is it a fucking foreign thing??

I’m new to New York, far away from my friends and family, my comfort zone. This situation disgusted me so much, I stopped dating for a few weeks. I’m so open with everyone here. I love meeting new people and socializing, I forget how manipulative people are. It’s terrifying. I never want to be perceived as a naive girl who can be taken advantage of. If anything, this taught me to be more careful and I eventually got the courage to date again.

Please, always speak up. Always help others if you notice something is off. I’m forever thankful for my guardian angels.

 

•upDATEd

Power Struggle

 

 

 

Basic Relationship Rules: (since you’re in this position in the first place, I can assume these have been forgot.)
1. He must speak to you with respect, absolutely NO degrading terms, even as a joke, and this goes for the entire gender, ie. “Women are bitches” (if he doesn’t respect women as a whole, how will he ever respect you?)
2. He must never tell you not to do/wear something /go somewhere. He may express his legitimate concerns but if its solely based on his own insecurities, he can kindly shut the fuck up.
3, You will do your best to make him feel comfortable and trust you when you’re out, but you will NOT baby him/focus on your phone all night. He can not blow you up or ruin your night.
4. The next time he fake breaks up with you to get attention, it will be irreversible. You don’t take that lightly and you could never picture a future with a potential husband who would fake a divorce.

The reason men are controlling is because they are insecure and/or they are cheating. Why should you have to suffer the consequences? They saw you, fell in love with you, with your energy, your personality, your beauty, but then they want to hide you from the world so no one else takes you? It’s possessive love and you seize to be what they fell for in the first place. Remember, you hold the power! You have to love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.

•upDATEd

Sick date… literally

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This guy is what I call a “9-5er”, or in this case an “overtimer”. He works in finance or banking or something important like that – that’s usually when I space out and put all the business suits in one category. 50 shades of boring. I like my men in uniforms, not suits. Unless you have a sex dungeon ;]. So my date, who works 60-90 hours a week, managed to make time for our date, but I wasn’t feeling too well. He suggested we get hot tea close by my apartment and I agreed. Cute suggestion.

I’m a type B person and I admire a laid back, easy-going guy but he was a type A. I really don’t like planning, structure, or rules, but since I don’t like rules. I’m open to dating A’s. Maybe an A could motivate me because two B’s might get lazy together haha. (A & B chart on the bottom.) He asked me why I moved to the city. I told him I was here for modeling and in some time, a career in Fashion Merchandising. Jokingly, he said “Oh, so you’re looking for a sugar daddy?” I didn’t find that funny at all. Any potential thoughts I had of him just vanished. Way to blow it, A. Don’t downplay my dreams and don’t EVER think I need you or any other man. Loser.

At the end of the date, he pulled out a Vitamin C bottle. He had purchased it before our date as a gift to me. Hmm, first the sugar daddy comment, now a gift? The gesture was a nice touch, but I couldn’t get past the comment he made to give him a second date. You might be an A but you scored an F on the date!

•upDATEd

  Type A Personality Traits

      Type B Personality Traits

· Must get things finished · Do not mind leaving things unfinished for a while
· Never late for appointments · Calm and unhurried about appointments
· Excessively competitive

· Not excessively competitive

· Can’t listen to conversations and interrupts · Can listen and let the other person finish speaking
· Always in a hurry · Never in a hurry even when busy
· Do not like to wait · Can wait calmly
· Very busy at full speed · Easy going
· Trying to do more than one thing at a time · Can take one thing at a time
· Want everything to be perfect · Do not mind things not quite perfect
· Pressurised speech · Slow and deliberate speech
· Do everything fast · Do things slowly
· Hold feelings in · Can express feelings
· Not satisfied with work/life · Quite satisfied with work/life
· Few social activities/interests · Many social activities/interests
· If in employment, will often take work home

· If in employment, will limit working to work hours

Jew Cube

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My date took me to 230 Fifth, a rooftop bar in Manhattan. During the winter, they add beautiful Christmas lights, put in heat lamps, and give everyone red robes to wear. It’s the cutest thing and the hot chocolate liqueur is delicious. Oh how much I learn from my dates.

Five minutes into the date, the boy asked if I was Jewish. I said “No, but why do all Jewish guys ask that question?” He said “Jews follow the religion of the mother…” & then became red when he realized what he had just said. So basically, Jews categorized women into two categories: one night stand & wifey. Neither are happening with him and I in this lifetime or the next or the next. More Jew talk: He said, “I think date expenses should be split half & half when getting to know someone, then when you’re serious, the guy takes over.” Actually, it should be the other way around. Way to sound like a complete idiot bringing up money on the first date. There was one thing I liked about the date though. He gave me the cube personality test. I’ll share it here so you can take it too. (This is imaginary. Keep all objects in the room. Don’t read the results until you answer the questions).

“Picture an enormous white room. In this room, there is a cube. What color is the cube? What size is the cube? Where is it located in the room? Is it floating, or on the ground?

Now imagine flowers inside of this room. Where are the flowers located? How large are the flowers?

Next, imagine a ladder inside of the white room. Where is the ladder? What size is the ladder?

Next, imagine a horse in the white room. Where is the horse? Name three personality characteristics of the horse.

Lastly, imagine a rainstorm inside the white room. Where is the rainstorm located? How large is the rainstorm?

Results:

The white room represents our lives. Inside of this white room, there is a cube. This cube is a representation of our ego, or how we see ourselves. If your cube is small, it means you have a small ego, you are humble. If your cube is large, it means you might be “full of yourself”. A colored ego means you hide who you really are from people. A white or clear cube means you do not put a show on for others. If the cube is on the ground or fixed, it means that you are well grounded in your views. If the cube is floating, it means that you are unpredictable and your life is unstable.

The flowers in the room represent your family and friends. If there are a lot of flowers in the room, it means that you prefer to be surrounded by friends and family. If the flowers are only a few, it means that you prefer only a few close friends. If your flowers are near the cube, it means that you are close to your friends. If your flowers are further away, you prefer to keep a distance between your friends.

The ladder inside the room represents your goals and ambition. A small ladder means that you have a few or no goals in life. If your ladder is large, it means that your goals and expectations from yourself are set higher than average. If your ladder is far away from your cube, it means you are not working on your goals. If your ladder is on top of your cube, it means that your goals and ambitions are controlling you.

The horse inside of the room is your spouse. The three characteristics of the horse apply to your spouse, or what you like to see in your spouse. If your horse is close to the cube, it means you are close to your spouse.

The rainstorm inside the room is life’s problems. If your thunderstorm is large, it means that your life is hectic. If the thunderstorm is near another object (for instance, the horse), it means that object is causing problems in your life. If you see a small thunderstorm that means you are currently not facing too many difficulties or at least ignoring them. ”

My answers were pretty accurate and I was impressed. It still didn’t interest me enough to see him again though, not that it was even my choice. The next day, he showed up at the restaurant I work at! What. the. fuck. That’s the last time I tell strangers where I work. He even posted a photo of the ice skating rink in front of my restaurant on his Instagram. Sometimes I think my dating life is cursed, other times I think the male species is. I stopped responding to all of his messages. The next weekend, I took my girlfriends to 230 Fifth. Thanks for the idea dude, your presence is no longer needed.

•upDATEd

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Bad Boys Ain’t No Good, Good Boys Ain’t No Fun.

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I have a project for you. Write down the name of every guy you’ve ever dated, had a thing with, hooked up with, whatever. Under each guys name, write down one thing you liked about him, and one thing you didn’t. (physically or personality) Combine all the likes in one paragraph, combine all the dislikes in another paragraph. When you meet someone new, go through your checklist. Every guy you’ve met is for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You shouldn’t regret being with someone because you always learn from them. Also, if you are consciously aware of what you do/don’t like, you won’t settle for the same ex boyfriends.

Here are a few of my likes and dislikes I’ve picked up on from the guys I’ve dated/talked to:

Likes: muscles, sense of humor, tall, plays the piano and sings to me, writes me poems, rides a motorcycle, deeply intellectual on another level, big lips, selfless, loves/willing to travel the world, respectful, tattoos, confident, romantic, same culture/language, playful, faithful, adventures, down for anything, laid back, loves children, real, goal-oriented, humble, cooks for me, respects service people, colored eyes, has dimples, nice teeth/smile, loves to cuddle, rough ;]

Dislikes: dependent on others, disrespectful, pothead, no family values, skinny, religious, cheats, verbally and physically abusive, bad in bed, serious, lies, has kids, fame, broke, balding, health/neat freak, suicidal, obsessed with social media, puts me down, in the military, sexist, stubborn, creeps on girls, smothering, bad hygiene, prideful, narcissistic personality disorder, always says no, cry baby, has a temper/anger issues, close-minded, controlling, condescending, sketchy

**** This list is not to be taken too seriously. We are not creating our perfect man, there is no such thing. It’s simply to take away from our experiences. If anything, pay attention to your dislikes & don’t tolerate the qualities for the next man. Likes are adjustable and always growing.

•upDATEd